How to Handle Unsolicited Parenting Advice with Grace
Motherhood has a way of inviting opinions—whether we ask for them or not. From feeding choices to how we hold our babies to strange ones you’ve never even imagined. Advice often comes fast and unfiltered. While some comments are well intentioned, others can leave us feeling overwhelmed, doubtful, or even questioning if people see us as bad moms. Learning how to respond with grace—without losing our peace—is a skill every mom deserves to develop.
Why Does Unsolicited Advice Trigger Us?
Often times we can admit it’s because we are in a vulnerable state especially early in postpartum. As new moms, we’re learning, growing, and taking it all in all at once; it can be a lot in the early days.
However, words from our elders who have already lived through raising kids can make it feel like judgement or an attempt on our parenting autonomy.
Personally, I’m grateful that my mom has answered me in the sweetest of ways when it comes to this and does not outright tell me what to do when it comes to parenting. For example, I was asking her about I think breastfeeding or something related and she replied, “you should ask your sister in laws they would know today’s advice from doctors and can remember it easier since they’ve just gone through it more recently.”
While my mom does give me advice when I ask for it, she showed me through this moment that even though she raised six kids, she wasn’t going to parent for me. She trusted me to learn, to ask, and to grow into my role—and that made all the difference.
I honor and am grateful for my mom and how she is supporting me in my motherhood journey, other women and elders, however, do not think this way.
Cultural and generational differences play a role in unsolicited advice. Intent does not always equal impact. What do I mean by this, well, a person can have good intentions or a sincere care for your child, but their words can still make you feel overwhelmed, can still hurt you, or may feel a bit judgemental.
Most recently I experienced two family members ask me the exact same question;
“What foods has baby tried so far?”
One response was positive, gave no feedback, just listened. This made me feel acknowledged, seen and heard.
The second person’s response was negative and I was given unsolicited advice: they said, “oh no, that’s not good for their stomach, you need to take good care of the baby”
The second response while their intent was to protect or care about my baby it made me feel criticized like I did not know how to properly care for my own baby. I know they didn’t mean harm but I still felt discomfort in this moment.
Even well-meaning advice can have a significant impact on a mom—especially in a season where we are still building our confidence as new moms. Acknowledging that their intent does not always equal how you are impacted by their words, enables us to respond with clarity and confidence rather than guilt and offense.
Grace doesn’t Mean Silence, Boundaries are Ok
First and foremost, you are an adult, you have the right to set limits to how much say others have . Setting boundaries that protect both your parenting style, motherhood journey, and your baby is not disrespectful it’s protecting your peace.
Grace is not silence, it’s definitely not compliance. Silence can feel like the polite route to go, as often times we were raised to just nod along to what elders say. Grace doesn’t require agreeing or over explaining. You don’t need to abandon your motherly intuition to show grace to unsolicited advice.
Responding with grace might mean offering a simple sentence and letting it be enough. For example, my new go to (in Spanish) is “God gives us the wisdom to raise her right, we’re confident in the choices were making.” Simple response, does not have any back sass or passive agressiveness.
Ways you can respond with grace:
Redirect the conversation to something else
acknowledge what they say-> close the topic->change the subject
example: “thank you for that”-> “we’re ok doing ___” -> “how was your day today?”
Don’t engage further, pass the conversation on to your spouse if possible or excuse yourself to go “do something”
Simple Phrases that show grace:
“This is what works for us.”
“We’re comfortable with this choice.”
“Baby is doing great with _____ ”
If physical boundaries are crossed
for example they walked off with baby or they’re holding them while baby is crying
Showing grace without overexplaining
is simply retrieving baby
if something needs to be said a simple, “I feel more comfortable keeping her close” or “baby needs mom right now”
Grace isn’t about keeping everyone comfortable—it’s about staying aligned with who you are and how you’re called to parent. Choosing peace doesn’t mean damaging relationships; it means strengthening them through honest, gentle boundaries.
You are allowed to learn out loud. You are allowed to change your mind. And you are allowed to respond with grace while still honoring your intuition. Motherhood is not a performance—it’s a relationship. Grace grows when we remember that God entrusted this child to us.
Scripture invites us to respond differently. We are promised wisdom when we ask (James 1:5), peace as our guide (Colossians 3:15), and the ability to speak with both wisdom and kindness (Proverbs 31:26). Grace, then, becomes less about restraint and more about discernment.
A Prayer for Wisdom and Peace in Motherhood
Lord, in moments when opinions feel loud and my confidence feels quiet, I ask you for wisdom. Help me pause before reacting and choose words that reflect both truth and grace. When advice feels heavy or confusing let your voice guide me. Teach me to speak with kindness without shrinking and set boundaries without guilt. In Jesus name, Amen.
